im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
