so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
