I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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