So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
