apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He? As in you personified your dick?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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