I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
