I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
even my farts smell like vagina
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
