I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
