Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
