There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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