My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
