i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just cropdusted the office
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
