I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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