New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
