what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
