Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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