i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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