The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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