Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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