I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
