I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Dear god my vagina.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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