If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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