I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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