There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
