dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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