i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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