I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i love accidental penises.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
