I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
