i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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