Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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