you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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