Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
