I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
