My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
