I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
