Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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