the new term for farting is butt boxing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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