I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
