Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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