areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
And my parents said I crawled through the house
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
