i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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