i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
