I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
