I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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