I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
