Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
