It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
