i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
