things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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