Got a toothbrush?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
