Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
