She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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