I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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