walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
