Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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