She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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